


Hammer Time

by friedhotsauce



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Hammer Sex, Mjolnir is letting loose and banging some nails, Multi, Other, Prostitution, Sexual Content, Weird Plot Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-25
Updated: 2013-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-30 11:19:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1017995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friedhotsauce/pseuds/friedhotsauce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poor Mjolnir suddenly awakens to find himself trapped in a strange land, far from home and Thor. When he is broken free from his encasement for a moment, the hammer ventures out to find his companion, but gets a little sidetracked along the way... and it's arguably worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hammer Time

                Mjolnir suddenly awoke to find his head encased in the most solid of rock. He seemed to be in the middle of absolutely nowhere: the ground was reddish-brown, and rocky slopes littered the horizon. The air was dry and hot, and the fast arrival of night couldn’t help cool the atmosphere to a comfortable enough temperature. There was no way Mjolnir could be in Asgard anymore. How the hammer came to be in this predicament, he could not guess in the slightest.

_Thor must’ve really fucked up this time,_ he thought to himself. The future king was a prideful man, and every once in a while, it got to the best of him.

_Yeah, he definitely fucked up,_ Mjolnir concluded, as his blond-haired companion was nowhere in sight. And at this point of the day, he would’ve been summoned minutes ago, to fulfill Thor’s more private needs. A full moon presented itself directly over the hammer, and he was abruptly let loose from his rocky chains, by the celestial magic.

_I better go find him,_ the large object confirmed to himself, and floated away from the site. He could spot the glow of lights from a town not too far away, and he whizzed to it excitedly. The streets were nearly empty, as most people were packed inside bars, restaurants, or in cars to head home. Despite his large frame, the humans seemed not to notice this floating entity make its way around the area. Mjolnir rounded the corner of a wooden building, and heard a silvery voice reach out to him.

“Hey there hot stuff, you in need of a little T.L.C?”

He went over to the source, and found a grey nail sticking out, almost entirely from a wooden plank.

“Damn, you are one loose nail.” He whistled in astonishment.

“Ain’t no shame in it babe,” the cylindrical object seductively retorted. “You wanna bang?”

“How much are you gonna charge me?”

“Zilch, you sure ain’t from around here, I like to treat myself to a little foreign steel every now and then. So really, you’re doing me.”

“Alright then.” Mjolnir agreed. Thor would need to wait a while longer; the poor hammer clearly deserved a break. And what could be a better way than tapping a nail? 

He lifted his boxy head dramatically and came down on her round head.

“Oh yeah baby!” The hammer shrieked as the vibrations from his action went through the metal hooker and reverberated back to Mjolnir. He paused to revel in his early orgasm, but was interrupted by the nail.

“Harder, harder!”

“Uh, I think I’m done.”

“The hell you are!”

“Nah babe, I’m done. I have to go find my friend.” The hammer furthered from her to study his work. She was now snugly in place amongst the planks of the building.

“Not so loose anymore, are ya?”

“Only for the moment, that is.”

 

                Mjolnir floated away from the scene, and soon passed by a wooden electricity pole.

“Hey sweety, you got a moment to spare?” Another voice crooned to him from far up the pole. The hammer rose upward to come face to face, with not just one but three nails.

“You lookin’ mighty hungry there, I’m sure I can satisfy your appetite.” The other said.

“Thank you, but no thank you ladies. I already got my fill a few blocks down.” Mjolnir answered truthfully. “Now I gotta go meet-“

“A few blocks down?” The third interrupted. “Aw shit, you got it done by ‘Salacious Sissy’? She’s a sloppy ho, you want a tight and clean job, you come out to us: ‘The Bitches Three’.”

The hammer laughed at the statement, as their group name sounded like a suggestive version of ‘The Warriors Three’, from back home.

“Come on mister; let us give you a demonstration of what a damn good job feels like.” The first nail invited.

Mjolnir peered up at the still dark sky and changed his hurried mind. “Okay ladies, I guess I can squeeze in some time. Who’s going first?”

“First? Oh no honey, you gotta bang us at the same time.”

It was strange to think that, just hours ago, the large object came to in an awful place. But now things were starting to look up for him. A mighty fine foursome was begging for his participation, which was leagues better than being the god of thunder’s dildo. 

Mjolnir slammed his head into the tops of all three nails at once. A beautiful wave of satisfaction quickly thrummed into his metal core. He could tell the group tried to slow down the vibration, to make it last and Mjolnir couldn’t be more thankful.

 

Suddenly, a large van drove hazardously by the pole, and parked next to a light-filled building, seconds away. Three people rushed out and dragged a blond-haired man out, from the back of the vehicle.

“Thor!” The hammer yelled, half in orgasm. He thanked the breathless, grey pieces and quickly flew to the automatic doors, the group went through. Mjolnir waited for the doors to slide open for him, but they never did. He tried to enter as others went back and forth, but a strange invisible force field seemed to stop him from doing so. Becoming tired of trying to force himself through, after some time, the great metal object decided it was useless and glumly floated back to his rock; there was nothing else he could do.

Mjolnir passed by the same corner where ‘Salacious Sissy’ stayed. He approached her, as he noticed she had returned to her jutted-out stance.

“I thought I tacked you in real good.”

“Not good enough, I guess.”

“Will ya let a fella who’s down on his luck, at another go?”

The nail hummed with energy. “Sure thing baby. I gotta admit I’m not proud of that first try; it was too fast for my liking. But I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

Maybe Mjolnir could learn to live in this odd place after all.


End file.
